Some of the profoundest questions are asked while in a bathroom.

Today, while relieving myself in the men’s restroom at work, I noticed the wall in front of me and the one to the side were speckled with dead boogers.  The profound question: How in the hell did those get there?

I can fathom how boogers died on the wall to the left of me … some redneck was wizzing, reached up with one of his hands, placed it on his right nostril and blew like the March wind.  The velocity of the booger would have killed it on impact, splattering its guts all over the wall.  But how about those dead boogers on the wall in front of me?

Did the urinator toss his head back as far as it could go, place a finger on one nostril and blow?  Wouldn’t he miss the urinal and splatter on himself?  Look at me … I’m worrying about a “civilized” human leaking on himself in an attempt to blow a booger on the wall.

Now to the more profound question: are there people who are completely unaware of tissue paper?  Has the thought ever occured in their Cro-Magnon heads that toilet paper has more than one use?  Well, perhaps they don’t use toilet paper … eeeww!

Alas, the reality of the situation is that there probably exists a booger caper in our building.  The crime does not involved robbery of material possession, rather dignity.  You see, dead boogers are not only showing up in the men’s bathrooms, but they also litter the walls of the stairwell; the walls of our conference rooms and hallways.  Somewhere in the dark and lonely parts of our building exists a criminal who intentially spreads disease and sickness throughout our corridors when no one is watching.

What has our society come to?  This and other questions sometimes keep me awake at night.