I will never go into my workplace’s bathroom afterhours alone ever again.

Our bathrooms are rigged with a timed, motion sensor light.  So when no one enters the bathroom for over 30 minutes, the lights turn off.  Unfortunately, while the lights are out, all the cockroaches begin to party.  And these are not the little finger-size roaches … these bad boys are slightly smaller than that ugly mo-fo on Men in Black.

Last night I opened the door, the lights flickered on and I walked to the line of stalls.  When I opened the door, I saw one sitting on the toilet reading a newspaper and munching on a Coke can.  I said, “sorry”, excused myself and shut the door to go to another stall.  But barf-face jumped out at me and pounced on me like a cat on a mouse.

His breath was foul and I could see the germs crawling on him.  I knew I would need to detoxify myself after this encounter.  I managed to kick him in the leg while I yelled at the top of my lungs.  Luckily for me, someone came dashing in with a can of Raid and began spraying the stuff in his eyes.  He leaped off and dove into the drain hole.

Now whenever I use the workplace restroom, I take a can of Roach Killer.