Oregon doctors are now diagnosing 71-year-old grandfathers as being pregnant.


In today’s post, Scott said,

the sound of custom car engines is like catnip to hot chicks.

Really, the best part of the post … the part that gave me a gut-wrenching laugh was when he said,

I’d also add the sound of a chainsaw somwhere in the distance, so the woman can imagine her personal lumberjack getting wood for the fire.

You have to read the whole post to really get that 2nd line.

From Futility Closet:

“Spike Milligan was wearing traditional Scottish garb when a curious onlooker asked, ‘So, is there anything worn under the kilt?’

“‘No’, he answered, ‘it’s all in perfect working order.'”

In former days the circus had freak shows.

Today, we have So You Think You Can Dance.

He’s on a roll today.

I ask myself if I would prefer to be whacked with a rolled up newspaper when I pooped on the carpet or be forced to stay in a coffin-sized cage for several hours while desperately squeezing my butt cheeks together to keep the turtle in the shell.

Read the entire post here.

In describing the American Idol concert he recently attended, he said,

The sound system in the Arco Arena was like four winos farting in a steel drum.

Read the whole post here.

My cousin emailed me this one:

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.  Short line. Just one lady in front of me . . an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, ‘Why it change??  Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty??  Why it change?’

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, ‘Fluctuations’.

The Asian lady says, ‘Fluc you white people, too’.

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